women who win face their fears

everything will align once you embrace everything you fear

disclaimer: the views expressed in this essay are those of the author and do not reflect the views of any employer, past or current.

on the 22nd of august in 2024, a biracial black-and-southeast-asian woman became the first woman of color to accept the nomination for presidential candidate of a major political party within the united states. the magnitude of this woman’s ascension rests not in her history-defining status as “first,” but because she ended up on a stage many had said she was far too “incompetent” to land upon.

still she rose.

the questions we must answer in life

as a deeply spiritual woman, i’m always seeking god in all things. one of those ways is through prayer. specifically, the reciting of psalms. 35, 27, 91, and 23 are my current rotation for they speak of one thing and one thing only: trusting the divine to do their part while we do ours.

in life, we go through trials. it’s a hallmark of the human condition. our responses to these trials are what will come to define us.

this is because character can only really be revealed in times of crisis; specifically in our response to conflict. nothing else matters. expect:

“how did you respond when you stumbled and they gathered in glee?”

“how did you respond when false witnesses rose up against you and spouted malicious accusations?”

“how did you respond when they questioned your intelligence, labeled you incompetent, and left you to fend for yourself in a treacherous landscape?”

in this cosmic game called life, what has been your response to hardship and heartbreak? how have you dealt with the realization that nothing changes if you do not change?

your answers to these questions reveal who you are. if you are not happy with your answers, fear not. there is much time to change. and therefore there will arrive an opportunity to offer a new set of answers when asked again. and you will be asked these questions again.

and again.

and then some more.

that’s just life.

there’s always some crisis. there’s always heartbreak. even hardship. not at once. and certainly not everyday. but from time to time, the troubles will come to visit. the key is to not let them overstay their welcome. take from them the gifts they’ve brought you (wisdom) then kindly show them the door (proactiveness).

proactiveness is a skill. the best among us refine this skill to the point of instinct. for example, your instinct when you read the writing on the wall and realize a trap has been laid out for you is to get ahead of it. your instinct when you wake up and you are no longer happy with your life is to take whatever step you can every single day until you wake up and are happy with your life.

when we are proactive in life, nothing comes as a surprise. expect, for the glory of god. for even we, few but oh so proud, diouana women cannot begin to fathom, nor imagine, the ways in which the divine will unfold time for us to get exactly what it is we deserve. and often, it is even better than we had hoped.

in life, we receive what we deserve

an old friend of mine told me recently, ”9 times out of 10, people get what they deserve.” i took that to mean that i must become the person that deserves what i want.

so i ask you, dear reader, are you deserving of the things you want?

it’s a simple question without an easy answer. so, let me ask it again.

what have you done to deserve your desires? how have you set up your life in such a way where where you want to end up is an inevitable end to this current chapter of your life?

in the words of a mentor, “what have you accomplished?”

my intention here is not to shame you into action. shame is a useless emotion, and therefore should not be used. it also not my intention to glorify accomplishments and achievements over all else. as i’ve written countless times before, my life is built upon rest...among other things.

in life, you mustn’t run and you shouldn’t hide

there’s a running joke i tell my friends, “if you’re not where you want to be in life, why are you at the club?”

it’s silly, and slightly bitchy, but it’s true. if we’re not where we want to be, our focus should not be on seeking fleeting pleasure to distract us from the dismal state of our lives. instead, our energy should be put towards taking the reins of our life and facing our fears head on. likely, it’s these fears, whether real or imagined, that are keeping us from doing the work that’s necessary to build the path that leads us to where we want to be in life.

face your fears and change the narrative of your life.

the ascension of kamala harris within the united states democratic party, and the broader national stage within the country, is an excellent case study of this. vice president harris first ran for united states president in 2019 and her campaign performance was substandard at best. to be fair to her, there were many factors actively working against her campaign. primarily, she had a “top cop” persona in a political climate that was increasingly hostile towards law enforcement. “kamala the cop” did not have the same ring as “yes, we can.”

secondly, her communication on who “kamala” is and what she stood for—her policy concerns, her sentimental beliefs, her personal history—was muddled. thus, the audience did not have anything, nor anyone, to properly fall in love with. how can we fall in love with someone we can’t even project our dreams and hopes onto? obama represented a generational change in 2008. in 2019, kamala was just another politician. albeit a more diverse one.

in 2024, the circumstances have completely changed. “kamala the cop” sounds mighty fine when we consider the other side is “a convicted criminal.” but more than name-calling, catchy slogans, and memes, what kamala’s rise and reintroduction represents is a woman who has fully reconciled who, what, how, and why she is. a woman who is now comfortable in the spotlight. a woman who intends to win. and the audience is in love. i mean, kamala is brat.

to hammer in the point of kamala’s jungian homecoming, let’s take the words of journalist john heilemann on for size:

“…in 2019, when she started her primary campaign, she was going to be kamala harris for the people, the tough prosecutor—and then quickly she got convinced that you couldn’t win a democratic primary by being kamala the cop, and so she bent over backwards to get right with progressives. and then it turned out that the moderate guy in the party won. but i think the truth is that kamala harris for the people is the real kamala harris. you can quibble with her criminal justice record, but that is the suit that fits her. it’s interesting that she’s fully embraced the thing that she fully ran away from.”

“she [has] fully embraced the thing the she fully ran away from.” that sentence, and that sentence alone, is the key takeaway here. not only in the puck article but, more importantly, within the story that is the redemption arc of kamala harris.

she fully embraced who she is, and in doing so, she has stepped into a moment that needs her to be exactly what she is: kamala harris, for the people.

the lesson for us here is that there are fears we have that are holding us back and we must absolve ourselves from the emotional weight these fears have on us. i do not know what you fear most, but i do surmise that if you feared that fear less, or, better yet, if you let go of that fear entirely, your life would be better off.

in short, let go or be dragged.

take tangible steps every day. no matter how minute. these repeated steps will bring you closer to fully eradicating the thing you fear most.

little by little. then suddenly, your efforts will snowball until you have been reborn as a stronger, more confident woman.

as a player in the game of life, i believe all things are possible. i believe if you decide to become the next kamala harris, then that is within your grasp. you simply have to figure out how you, too, will land upon that stage.

and if you can do that, you can do anything.

sweet dreams,

a diouana woman

p.s. truth or dare

this section is a curated list of ideas and items i’ve engaged with recently that i’ve loved. the truths were 10/10, so i must recommend. and the dares were not so great, so it’s me saying don’t do it. but only if you dare. get it? great. let’s begin:

truth: sampling an interesting book by checking it out at the public library. then, if you like it enough, committing to it long-term by buying it used on thriftbooks.com. (this is not an ad!! i know this language is quite sponsor-esque; i just really like reading and thrift books always has books for like $3. so, enjoy!)

dare: not doing the work then playing victim. pick a side. i advise you to pick the winning team.