The greatest blindspot I observe in heterosexual women is our inability to accept our heterosexuality for what it is: a genuine desire to connect with heterosexual men, and exist in this world in sexual-emotional-spiritual relation to them. Under heterofatalism, or even heteropessimism, this genuine desire gets obfuscated in favor of what we believe would be the 'right' path forward or the next best 'exit.' Queerness and lesbianism become a way for us to receive refuge from heterosexual men whose behaviors we cannot contend with. In entering these spaces, we take on their identities. We are now bisexual, or even lesbian, but do not date nor imagine lifelong futures with women. We are queer but the heteronormativity continues to emanate from our psyches. We expect solace, longing, and love from these women. And once we have been nurtured and replenished back to psychic and sexual health, we meet a heterosexual man and choose to settle down with him. We might even have his children. Of course, this is the tale of a very specific heterosexual woman, and is often a work of fiction. However, from my point of view, it seems no one makes it out alive—someone always gets hurt; identities always get co-opted; and men, seemingly, always win in the end.
thank you so much for this
Thank you for reading, and for engaging with my work!
This is quite excellent, thank you
Thank you for reading, and for engaging with my work!
The greatest blindspot I observe in heterosexual women is our inability to accept our heterosexuality for what it is: a genuine desire to connect with heterosexual men, and exist in this world in sexual-emotional-spiritual relation to them. Under heterofatalism, or even heteropessimism, this genuine desire gets obfuscated in favor of what we believe would be the 'right' path forward or the next best 'exit.' Queerness and lesbianism become a way for us to receive refuge from heterosexual men whose behaviors we cannot contend with. In entering these spaces, we take on their identities. We are now bisexual, or even lesbian, but do not date nor imagine lifelong futures with women. We are queer but the heteronormativity continues to emanate from our psyches. We expect solace, longing, and love from these women. And once we have been nurtured and replenished back to psychic and sexual health, we meet a heterosexual man and choose to settle down with him. We might even have his children. Of course, this is the tale of a very specific heterosexual woman, and is often a work of fiction. However, from my point of view, it seems no one makes it out alive—someone always gets hurt; identities always get co-opted; and men, seemingly, always win in the end.