As a lesbian it fascinates me that *we* barely even show up under the banner that is touted by heterosexual women as an 'option'. Lesbianism is a way of being in relation to the world. It is not a refuge available for whichever disillusioned straight man or woman. We are people, not rehabilitation centres for heterofatalism. Interestingly, for many of these clearly bisexual women, the insist on claiming lesbianism when it suits them an then shitting on lesbians when it doesn't.
As an aside, given this and the recent mainstreaming of m/m content geared at heterosexual female readers and viewers, I am surprised that there has been little reckoning with just how easily women are capable of objectifying others. In the case of gay men the objectification is explicitly physical-sexual and as exploitative, only without seeming possessive as compared say to the straight male fetishisation of lesbians. When it comes to lesbianism, the objectification is geared more towards the emotional-sexual function in which we are thought to be safer options that won't hurt them.
It's funny for all the pronouns-in-bio of this era's idea of allyship, most liberal/progressive straight people still cannot contend with homosexuality as a actual way that others experience the world rather than as a 'disruptive' and interesting 'idea'.
The greatest blindspot I observe in heterosexual women is our inability to accept our heterosexuality for what it is: a genuine desire to connect with heterosexual men, and exist in this world in sexual-emotional-spiritual relation to them. Under heterofatalism, or even heteropessimism, this genuine desire gets obfuscated in favor of what we believe would be the 'right' path forward or the next best 'exit.' Queerness and lesbianism become a way for us to receive refuge from heterosexual men whose behaviors we cannot contend with. In entering these spaces, we take on their identities. We are now bisexual, or even lesbian, but do not date nor imagine lifelong futures with women. We are queer but the heteronormativity continues to emanate from our psyches. We expect solace, longing, and love from these women. And once we have been nurtured and replenished back to psychic and sexual health, we meet a heterosexual man and choose to settle down with him. We might even have his children. Of course, this is the tale of a very specific heterosexual woman, and is often a work of fiction. However, from my point of view, it seems no one makes it out alive—someone always gets hurt; identities always get co-opted; and men, seemingly, always win in the end.
As a lesbian it fascinates me that *we* barely even show up under the banner that is touted by heterosexual women as an 'option'. Lesbianism is a way of being in relation to the world. It is not a refuge available for whichever disillusioned straight man or woman. We are people, not rehabilitation centres for heterofatalism. Interestingly, for many of these clearly bisexual women, the insist on claiming lesbianism when it suits them an then shitting on lesbians when it doesn't.
As an aside, given this and the recent mainstreaming of m/m content geared at heterosexual female readers and viewers, I am surprised that there has been little reckoning with just how easily women are capable of objectifying others. In the case of gay men the objectification is explicitly physical-sexual and as exploitative, only without seeming possessive as compared say to the straight male fetishisation of lesbians. When it comes to lesbianism, the objectification is geared more towards the emotional-sexual function in which we are thought to be safer options that won't hurt them.
It's funny for all the pronouns-in-bio of this era's idea of allyship, most liberal/progressive straight people still cannot contend with homosexuality as a actual way that others experience the world rather than as a 'disruptive' and interesting 'idea'.
The greatest blindspot I observe in heterosexual women is our inability to accept our heterosexuality for what it is: a genuine desire to connect with heterosexual men, and exist in this world in sexual-emotional-spiritual relation to them. Under heterofatalism, or even heteropessimism, this genuine desire gets obfuscated in favor of what we believe would be the 'right' path forward or the next best 'exit.' Queerness and lesbianism become a way for us to receive refuge from heterosexual men whose behaviors we cannot contend with. In entering these spaces, we take on their identities. We are now bisexual, or even lesbian, but do not date nor imagine lifelong futures with women. We are queer but the heteronormativity continues to emanate from our psyches. We expect solace, longing, and love from these women. And once we have been nurtured and replenished back to psychic and sexual health, we meet a heterosexual man and choose to settle down with him. We might even have his children. Of course, this is the tale of a very specific heterosexual woman, and is often a work of fiction. However, from my point of view, it seems no one makes it out alive—someone always gets hurt; identities always get co-opted; and men, seemingly, always win in the end.
thank you so much for this
Thank you for reading, and for engaging with my work!
This is quite excellent, thank you
Thank you for reading, and for engaging with my work!