Shame Is A Useless Emotion For Women

Here are three things to do instead

Tonight’s essay will be a short one. I write to you from the bottom of my heart, and I trust you’ll forgive the unevenness of my words.

Many things are blamed for the subjugation of women: the patriarchy as sociolegal system; men as its underwriters, perpetrators and benefactors; and other women for no one hates a woman more than another woman. It’s easy, then, to escape thinking about our own culpability in all this. How we contribute to our own downfall. How we allow our desperation, short-sightedness, and even pettiness to influence our actions.

Although it’s important to acknowledge the consequences of our actions, it’s important to not become martyrs for a cause we didn't realize we were fighting. In honoring of freeing you from ever self-imposed shackles you may have, here is a Diouana Woman’s Guide To Letting Go Of Shame.

Number One: To Combat Shame, Develop A Rich Inner World

I’ve talked before about the need for a textured life. One reflective of our musings, moods, and mission. To achieve this, we must know, and then be able to articulate, our own interiority. This could be a whole essay onto itself.

For our purposes tonight, what I’ll leave you with is three journal prompts:

If I perish tomorrow, would I be happy with my relationships?

If asked to write a memoir, could I articulate who I had been on Earth?

If given a chance to relive any moment, which moment would I choose?

These are profound questions that speak to the heart of our interiority; the things we hold most sacred in our understanding of ourselves; and the myths we have about the life we’ve chosen to live.

If you can answer these prompts, you have an understanding of your inner world; and it’s here that I want you to retreat anytime you feel small, left behind, or too much. In those moments, if you can find your way back to yourself, you can live to see another day—your head held exalted above any enemies who surround you.¹

We are all so lovely in our creative, our perspective, and, most importantly, our inspirations. Shame is anti-creative, lacks perspective and is fixed on one thing and one thing only: your past.

In letting it go, through our retreat into our own depths, we can emerge, once more, as the women we’ve always known ourselves to be.

We have so much life to live. It would be terrible if we spent it afraid of our own shadow. Embrace yourself and cleanse the shame from your spirit.

Number Two: To Repeal Shame, Speak The Truth And Shame The Devil

The devil is many things. Principally, the devil is anything that makes you second guess yourself; anything that makes you forget yourself; and anything that demands parts of you in exchange for something that will never be enough.

The devil finds us in desperation, temptation, and the sadness of never having been enough for our dreams.

Paradoxically, in speaking the truth about our current states—the mess, mayhem, and monotony of it all—can we develop the strength to overcome even the devil himself.

My theory is that the truth makes us magnetic. That telling the truth about ourselves is really the only way we’ll receive what we want in this life. Why, you ask? Because how can you receive something you’ve never asked for, let alone allowed yourself to imagine is a possibility for you.

As a teenager, I told my AP Literature teacher that my dream was to wake up one day on a yacht somewhere in the mediterranean. Today, my dream is to develop the West African St. Tropez.²

Our minds are the mouth of God³, and in these modern times of ours, it’s important we remained fixed on what it is we do want and think nothing—absolutely nothing—of what it is we don’t want.

This is much harder than it looks, but it’s truly a matter of life and death. Shame, what I define as a fixation on the past, robs us of our life. It’s a diseases whose cure finds itself in 1) acknowledgement through speaking the truth; 2) acceptance of what is, and what is not; and 3) the mental discipline to focus on “what can be, unburdened by what has been.”⁴

Number Three: To Block Shame, Never Undersell Yourself

Our self concept is the foundation of our lives. How we see ourselves determines what we allow to continue within our lives. A guru I often listen to likes to say, “having is evidence of wanting, and wanting is evidence of having.” As above, so below.

My self concept is that of a Diouana Woman. She’s smart, sensual, and strategic. She’s loved, protected, and admired. She’s respected, acknowledged, and considered. In her man’s heart, she reigns supreme. In her own life, she is the supreme. In her work, she’s rigorous, data-driven, and always cites her sources. Overall, there’s not a mountain she won’t climb, a river she won’t swim⁵, and a season of sacrifice she won’t endure to get what she wants in the end.

Recently, it dawned on me that I the story of my past, the one I outlined to you in painstaking detail in What You Learn Being Poor At Harvard, was not helpful to my Diouana Woman self concept. In fact, it’s become antithetical to everything I stand for.; not because I’m ashamed of my past—remember, a Diouana Woman is never ashamed—but because it’s simply no longer useful for where I’m going.

I summed this up succinctly on Tumblr:

“I am no longer the historian of my past.”

A beautiful mantra, if one ever existed.

In your own life, develop a mantra for your new chapter. We find ourselves heading into Eclipse season; this is a powerful time to set intentions for renewal and resurrections. Especially as we march towards the day where the veil is the thinest.

If you’re reading this, know that you are a Diouana Woman. And a Diouana Woman is never cheap; she never plays small; and she’s patient because she trusts that time is on her side.

Remember, patience has all the time it needs. Know that you know you’re immortal, why continue living in shame? Leave it behind, along with your past seven lives.

Sweet dreams,
A Diouana Woman

P.S. Truth or Dare

You know how in your diary, you write something down then rip it out and place it in the tiny makeup bag you keep in your purse as a manifestation method? Yeah, these p.s. truth or dares are the digital versions of my little ripped off notes.

Truth: Telling the truth. Obviously, there’s some discretion to be observed here. But honestly, if you did it, why not own it? If you can’t, don’t let it own you.

Dare: “Where is your spirituality?”, my mother asked. Never, ever forget your spirituality. It’s your compass back to yourself.

An Extra Special Announcement

The Diouana Woman Salon is coming back! This time, it’s a monthly live lecture series exploring my independent research on Erotic Capital Economics. The theme remains: how women create wealth through beauty and beyond. We’ll examine how historical and contemporary women position themselves for economic gain and social mobility—a provocative blend of gender theory and finance.

Date: September 21, 2025, 1:00p EST.

Admissions: Monthly paid subscription of $250 or yearly paid subscription of $2,500 (save $500). Paid Subscriptions are now live via the Diary of a Diouana Woman substack. Upgrade your free subscription to gain admissions to the upcoming Diouana Woman Salon here.

Format: Live virtual lecture with interactive Q&A (opportunity to ask any and all tantalizing questions!). Recordings available to paid subscribers; recordings also available for separate purchase upon request. Meeting link will be shared ahead of lecture.

A Nightcap Before You Go…

If you enjoyed the mood and tone of this essay, these essays may be up your alley:

Disclaimer: the views expressed in this essay are those of the author and do not reflect the views of any employer, past or current.

1. Psalm 27 babes!!

2. I put this in my pitch materials I made in St. Tropez, but you read it here first babes! Detty December 2035: Diouana Edition.

3. Commonly attributed to Neville Goddard.

4. The quote that Vice President Kamala Harris often says.

5. Readers should know that I actually can’t swim.